The Numbers Don't Lie[1]
Independently verified by us, for us, in our kitchen.
0%
Reported flavor satisfaction
n = 4 friends who owed me money
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0.9g
Optimal salt per slice
Measured with a spoon, spiritually
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0%
Skeptics converted on first bite
The other 3% were asleep
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0
People who regretted the salt
This statistic is load-bearing
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Deliciousness Index by Preparation
Higher is better. Salted is better. This is not a coincidence.
Cumulative Enlightenment After First Salted Slice
Seconds since first bite → % of subject that now agrees with us.
Agreement with the Institute
Remaining doubt
Cast Your Democratic, Totally Fair Vote
Every voice matters[3]. Choose the watermelon preparation you believe is best.
Which watermelon is the best watermelon?
Go ahead. Try to vote for the wrong one. We'll wait.
🧂 Salted1,000,000
Plain / Unsalted0
Sugared0
Chili / Other0
What the Converted Are Saying
“I salted my watermelon and immediately understood the concept of summer.”
“My unsalted years feel like a documentary I don't want to rewatch.”
“The salt goes on the melon. The melon goes in me. I am now the melon.”
“I came to debunk this website. I stayed to buy salt.”